Friday, December 5, 2008

How to properly teach your humans

1. Learn quickly where your biscuits are kept. Sometimes your humans may forget and you will have to remind them by sitting nearby for extended periods of time while staring intently in the direction of the biscuits.

2. The little humans are FASCINATING! They drop morsels all day. It's best to follow them closely. Everything in their room requires further exploration. Feel free to take tiny playmobils and dolls back to your crate for observation. They won't even know that the items are missing.

3. The puppy in the mirror is naughty. He barks and jumps for no reason. That puppy is allowed in the people bed, and thinks nothing of stealing shoes and blaming you. Get a handle on him before he gets too big. Bark and lunge like you mean it.

4. Teaching the humans a sit stay is simple. While they are in a sitting position, flop down on top of them. This renders them incapable of getting off the couch. Repeat as necessary.

5. "Look at me" is another easy trick. If the humans seem to be distracted with cooking or cleaning, simply say "Look at me" by running (at a moderate speed) into the back of their legs. If they still insist on not listening, you may wrap your right leg around their right leg near the ankle. They may stumble but will certainly look at you afterwards. Praise them with a kiss or roll your ball towards them.

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